Do you struggle with it or against it? No I'm not referring to relations with the S.O. Rather, the desire to ride and put in long miles, day after day, and week after week. Sometimes I am passionate about it and can't get enough rides to fill the void, and at other times (like currently) it is all I can do to drag myself out to the barn. I have found that my desire to ride is firmly entrenched in goal setting, and the goal has to be somewhat immediately reachable. Not a today goal, or a tomorrow goal, but certainly a goal that is attainable or attempt-able within a ninety day period. Or I just SHUT-DOWN. I wish that the farther flung ideals would grasp me by the throat and make me want to work my horse, but it does not, while to reach those further goals you need to be working now.
I've settled into the realization that I will never (due to geographic vs. financial considerations) be in the hunt for anything in the sport other than my personal small victories. I'm okay with that really, though it took a lot of angst on my part to finally accept that. If I earned another 10 K a year I could play frequently, but then I don't know that I would as there are more pressing matters like age, retirement (sans nest-egg), paying off the mortgage, and the inclining cost of medical care at a time in life when you need to lean more heavily on receiving it.
But still...desire, though more ethereal than in past years, more fleeting, more realistic. I'm in a slump, I need a goal closer than the OD to keep my motor running.
Yeah. I'm in a pretty big slump, too. It's hard getting out there and getting the workouts in for the horses. I'm more focused on my own fitness than I have been in awhile, but the horses? Meh. I've redirected my gelding's job for awhile due to it because keeping two horses in endurance shape is just too much work!
ReplyDeleteI totally know exactly the feeling you describe.. I really have had to learn how to mix things up or I get hyperfocused and it becomes like a job..That is why I went back to doing some jumping on the side. It's also why I parted with Maggie earlier this summer and ended up , albeit unplanned, purchasing a yearling to allow me time to play and refocus. No pressure for the next few years on myself. I love starting colts and I figure by the time he is ready , I will be more than ready to dip my toes back into endurance again but with the realization I am limited, due to geographic location and availability of rides. That was also part of my frustration. I trained but could never make it work to go to any decent rides due to a minimum of a 10-12 hour trailer ride. I may never realize my dream of doing a 50 or a 100 but I will keep at it, slowly . IN the meantime, I hope to just enjoy my new colt and teaching him all the ropes!
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