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Discipline: LD/Endurance, CMO, Trail Rider, Cartoonist, Writer, Co-Director/ Green Bean Endurance

September 12, 2012

And for now...I need to work on ME

So where do I go from here?

I think I need to start with myself.   Ever heard of a mid-life crisis? 

Two months back my five foot two inch frame was packing 167 pounds.   An all time high in weight, an all time low in self-esteem.  I’ve been trying to do better, so has LSEGH.  He’s dropped four inches from his waist circumference.  It has not been so easy for me.  Even so I’ve managed to bring the scale down to 144.  This is good, but I honestly shouldn’t weigh much over 125.   Another 19 pounds need to come off and eating healthier isn’t doing it.  Though riding a lot (and I do) is good exercise, I’m going to have to up my physical activity if I want those extra pounds off.  I also carry around a lot of physical pain from what ails me, so a low impact type of activity that burns calories would be good. Aging is hard for a woman, let me tell ya!  You look in the mirror at some point and say who is THAT person?  Where did the energetic, vivacious me go to?

Spiritually let’s say I’m in a rut.  Though I have a strong faith in powers higher than myself I’ve put that on a shelf for a long time.   My mantra through life has always been to be loving, forgive the best that I can, and remove negative influences from my life, even if that means I vote with my feet.  Maybe I need to delve a little deeper into that.  Someone told me recently “you hold the keys.”  But what I wasn't told was how to find the door!  When I find it, I’m stepping gracefully through.  That’s a big fat lie…. I’m ramming that sucker open, and running through, then slamming it shut behind me!

I’m putting together a “bucket list” of sorts.  Guess what is on top?  The elusive endurance ride.  (*sigh* ) But it is not an exclusive single item list anymore.  Some of the desires for the next however many days, weeks, months, or years of an unpredictable life include:

  • Art lessons (I love to paint) (but it is kind of “quirky”)  (Van Gogh was quirky…right?)  (checking my ear, yes, still there).  I wish I could connect with Vincent, and tell him he's okay and hug him tight (and break out the superglue).  He was a man trying to find his voice, but where they listening?
  • An exciting job in Medical Coding, leading to an even more exciting job in Auditing.  Actually, an exciting job ANYWHERE doing almost anything else would be awesome.  I'm over mine!
  • Home repair and redecorating.  I’m on the cusp of needing a reality show of my own.  Paint and a bonfire are on the list. I have crap setting around that is under crap setting around... How my orderly self became so disorganized is a mystery.  Maybe spending the past five years on the trail interferes with my housekeeping priority? *LOL*  When my broken daughters are no longer broken, perhaps they will give me an intervention.
  • Photography.  I set that aside when things went digital.  In the past I had a darkroom in my house, an enlarger, wonderful trays, and magical foul smelling chemicals.  Then the world had the audacity to push cameras to digital format.  I’d love to have a new camera, zoom lens, and some books on how to totally take mind blowing equine images, and the software to manipulate them.
  • Lessons for Phebes.  That sounds weird for “my” bucket list, but Phebes is challenging and I want her to have a shot at a decent life in case I’m out of the picture.  She has such presence under saddle, standing under the loafing shed is ummm….a terrible waste.  (Phebes would disagree)
  • Canter a perfect circle. Both directions.  On the correct lead.  That is such a huge (little) thing.
  • Have a horse with all the gears shifting smoothly, that pesky perfect horse thing.  But it has to be one of the girls, because---well, they are my girls.
  • The ability to travel  to farther flung places.  I’d like a year of my own to just chase my dreams.  Even without the horse I’d love to crew at some really important regional ride such as Old Dominion.  Maybe I can plan a vacation around that one.  I have a new friend near there who makes me smile and laugh.  
Not a very big or inclusive list.  But stuff that has been on the back burner.

And btw....someone emailed me (an endurance rider) and said if they have an extra horse when they visit the midwest they may take me up on doing a catch ride.  AWESOME!   She rides non-typical horses in the sport and does it very well I might add. 

~ E.G.

p.s.  Poor little Journey, her back is so sore.  Everything was working at the 20-25 mile a week conditioning level.  Soon as we stepped it up above 35 the pesky heat bumps revisited.  So no matter my current status, she would have been out for Ohio regardless of the trailer being packed, health certificate and negative coggins in hand.  Her back is sore as a boil.  Let's just call it KARMA.


  1. Wow-a good pouring out of the soul! I hear your pain...I'm heading into my 53rd year, battling weight, wanting to ride, but not sure if I really have the nerve now that my horses are ornery and that I am totally financially dependent on myself! Maybe it is best not to look in the mirror or at the scale to see what happened in the last year.

    So...about that Old Dominion ride? Go for it. I used to live just 15 miles from those trails and rode the LD in their fall ride (fort Valley) my goal was to do the O.D. But I suddenly found myself moving to CA and having to board my horses on dry paddocks instead of rolling green pasture....

    It is good to have goals, don't give up...ever! I think I read somewhere that a high percentage of endurance riders are over 50....don't know if that is still true.
    Ride like you are training for one...than if the chance arises you will be ready!

    Digital photography is amazing...
    ....and of course good house keeping goes out the window when you ride...
    Doesn't house dust make you sneeze? It makes me surely housekeeping isn't healthy! :)
    Keep the faith....keep going...and gallop through any door that opens for you...the momentum will blow the door behind you shut

    Hugs and encouragement for any trail you choose to travel!

  2. Also...
    Your blog Title sounds very sad....but more than that it is INCORRECT.

    It seems to me that life on a daily basis is an endurance and downs, bumps and Endurance granny no-more? Maybe in a manner of speaking...maybe it should be Endurance Granny Forevermore! :)

  3. ^^^ I agree with the comment above. ^^^

    You have to learn to be happy in the moment. Yes, we can all stand to lose a few pounds. We all want to do more, have more, be more,... However, live for today because tomorrow is not promised. Do your best to be healthy but don't focus on the slip ups once in awhile. Love the skin you are in and the life you have.

  4. Falconfeathers, what a great attitude!! We could all benefit from such an outlook on life. EG, don't give up. Step back, give yourself some space, stop trying so hard. Without subscribing to any particular brand of philosophy, I believe things happen for a reason. It will work itself out. Maybe your path will take you down a road you didn't see through the underbrush. In the meantime, just enjoy life and your horses. Best wishes.

  5. and you KNOW of course, if happen to find yourself in Idaho visiting, we will find you an endurance horse to ride!!
    - The Equestrian Vagabond

  6. Hey you! I have been seeing your posts in my in box and have wanted to respond but time is a hard thing to come by right now in my life ! The first thing I want to tell you is I was just so sad to hear your tossing in the towel (atleast for now). I have enjoyed your posts and honesty about your struggles and triumphs as you went. I will miss reading about that. The other thing I wanted to tell you was I totally get it. I am in a similar frame of mind about the sport right now. You probably noticed, my blog has been quiet. I am not sure where I am headed with Maggie at this point, but we came off a couple of pretty successful rides and then I just didn't want to ride her again. I was just flat tired of pounding out the miles and fighting her every mile of the way. Since July, I have ridden her 3 times..and she had some real meltdowns with arena work I began to realize that endurance might not be a fit for her personality. So I am also reevaluating things. I understand maybe a little of the point you reached. Endurance takes so much in the way of time, a resource I really don't have enough of and probably never will. Getting out on the trail to condition started to feel like something that had to get done in the little bit of extra time I had, which made everything else in my life go by the wayside, which totally stressed me out.. When it stops being fun, it's time to re think things.I do hope you find something to do with your horses that gives your soul joy. That is after all the purpose in having these hayburners, right! I hope to keep watching your blog and hearing about your next steps. Keep in touch.