So where do I go from here?
I think I need to start with myself. Ever heard of a mid-life crisis?
Two months back my five foot two inch frame was packing 167 pounds. An all time high in weight, an all time low in self-esteem. I’ve been trying to do better, so has LSEGH. He’s dropped four inches from his waist circumference. It has not been so easy for me. Even so I’ve managed to bring the scale down to 144. This is good, but I honestly shouldn’t weigh much over 125. Another 19 pounds need to come off and eating healthier isn’t doing it. Though riding a lot (and I do) is good exercise, I’m going to have to up my physical activity if I want those extra pounds off. I also carry around a lot of physical pain from what ails me, so a low impact type of activity that burns calories would be good. Aging is hard for a woman, let me tell ya! You look in the mirror at some point and say who is THAT person? Where did the energetic, vivacious me go to?
Spiritually let’s say I’m in a rut. Though I have a strong faith in powers higher than myself I’ve put that on a shelf for a long time. My mantra through life has always been to be loving, forgive the best that I can, and remove negative influences from my life, even if that means I vote with my feet. Maybe I need to delve a little deeper into that. Someone told me recently “you hold the keys.” But what I wasn't told was how to find the door! When I find it, I’m stepping gracefully through. That’s a big fat lie…. I’m ramming that sucker open, and running through, then slamming it shut behind me!
I’m putting together a “bucket list” of sorts. Guess what is on top? The elusive endurance ride. (*sigh* ) But it is not an exclusive single item list anymore. Some of the desires for the next however many days, weeks, months, or years of an unpredictable life include:
- Art lessons (I love to paint) (but it is kind of “quirky”) (Van Gogh was quirky…right?) (checking my ear, yes, still there). I wish I could connect with Vincent, and tell him he's okay and hug him tight (and break out the superglue). He was a man trying to find his voice, but where they listening?
- An exciting job in Medical Coding, leading to an even more exciting job in Auditing. Actually, an exciting job ANYWHERE doing almost anything else would be awesome. I'm over mine!
- Home repair and redecorating. I’m on the cusp of needing a reality show of my own. Paint and a bonfire are on the list. I have crap setting around that is under crap setting around... How my orderly self became so disorganized is a mystery. Maybe spending the past five years on the trail interferes with my housekeeping priority? *LOL* When my broken daughters are no longer broken, perhaps they will give me an intervention.
- Photography. I set that aside when things went digital. In the past I had a darkroom in my house, an enlarger, wonderful trays, and magical foul smelling chemicals. Then the world had the audacity to push cameras to digital format. I’d love to have a new camera, zoom lens, and some books on how to totally take mind blowing equine images, and the software to manipulate them.
- Lessons for Phebes. That sounds weird for “my” bucket list, but Phebes is challenging and I want her to have a shot at a decent life in case I’m out of the picture. She has such presence under saddle, standing under the loafing shed is ummm….a terrible waste. (Phebes would disagree)
- Canter a perfect circle. Both directions. On the correct lead. That is such a huge (little) thing.
- Have a horse with all the gears shifting smoothly, that pesky perfect horse thing. But it has to be one of the girls, because---well, they are my girls.
- The ability to travel to farther flung places. I’d like a year of my own to just chase my dreams. Even without the horse I’d love to crew at some really important regional ride such as Old Dominion. Maybe I can plan a vacation around that one. I have a new friend near there who makes me smile and laugh.
And btw....someone emailed me (an endurance rider) and said if they have an extra horse when they visit the midwest they may take me up on doing a catch ride. AWESOME! She rides non-typical horses in the sport and does it very well I might add.
p.s. Poor little Journey, her back is so sore. Everything was working at the 20-25 mile a week conditioning level. Soon as we stepped it up above 35 the pesky heat bumps revisited. So no matter my current status, she would have been out for Ohio regardless of the trailer being packed, health certificate and negative coggins in hand. Her back is sore as a boil. Let's just call it KARMA.