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Discipline: LD/Endurance, CMO, Trail Rider, Cartoonist, Writer, Co-Director/ Green Bean Endurance

June 20, 2015

I've had a rough go of it since February

And the result is I think (pretty sure) I have an ulcer.  Can't lay on my back in bed, hurts so miserably in my gut, taking double the adult dosage of pantoprazole sodium which barely contains my nausea.  It has been an extremely stressful 2015.  Two deaths in the family, a fractured relationship (not LSEGH whom is present and accounted for).  My brother had a near miss, emergency triple bypass surgery. Changes at work, more work load, changing software from one that works quite well, going to one from the dark ages (I need a little gargoyle to sit on my monitor).  A lame horse that is not coming around.  Appraisals, meetings with the bank, and currently in limbo...kind of between a rock and hard place.   If we are going to relocate we would have to float two mortgages until the farm sells and the market is pretty stagnant, hence I don't feel good about that idea, nor do I feel good about selling outright and suddenly having to move ourselves and horses with nothing lined up.   Fun stuff!  Not.

In between all that , I'm tracking the Green Bean TEAM points (which I have enjoyed), I've ridden three rides (two successfully), and one I pulled the "rider".  Which has determined once and for all that Old Dominion is a "kapoot" idea.  I'll never manage any kind of mileage in the heat, I wilt, my heart palpitates, my legs go to rubber, and my thinking goes to heck, feel sicker than a dog...  So I'm laying it down for good.  It makes me kind of "mad" at myself, which is stupid, but there it is.

Stuff going on with my Mom who is 80 as well.

I long to get back on my horse, all my great conditioning ... and she's just kicking at flies.  I need to ride to feel better, and need to feel better to ride.  

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