Contact information:

Discipline: LD/Endurance, CMO, Trail Rider, Cartoonist, Writer, Co-Director/ Green Bean Endurance

February 16, 2014


This morning I've read two bloggers confessing their own personal dance with fear.  Fear is an emotion attached to thoughts of pain, danger, evil, the lurking hand beneath the bed.  Fear is distressing, paralyzing, and is often a maniacal monster of our very own creation.  It isn't even real, yet, here we are.

My own pox-marked endurance endeavor over time evolved into a fear so big that it became paralyzing.  Remarkably sometimes one's greatest strength is evidenced by confrontation of the boogeyman in the closet. That place where you say, I'm going to swing open that door, and face that thing head on in a blood bath if necessary, and I'm going to take my axe and plant it right in the center of its evil head.    Fear is like that.  It seizes us up.  It robs us of joy.  It takes what you do not wish to give away freely.  Remarkably, we often feed it, fueling the power of it, where no power actually exists.  That is the fear I speak of, not the fear that is real and to be reckoned with in the moment; the car careening on ice, the intruder in our home.  Those fears are real, and rational.  It is the fear of the mind that twines its ugly roots into our daily life, if we give it free rein, it begins to own us.  It takes from us, as long as we give it concession to do so.  When we face it, we find it has the substance of smoke.  We wonder why we allowed this thing that is not real to flourish in our mind, to control our life, and to thwart our happy outcome.

What is your boogeyman?

Let me tell you some of mine.

*Pulling a horse trailer long distances.  I'm nearly phobic about breaking down, as my support system is practically nil.  US RIDER is the only help in my bucket.  I find that very daunting, and my comfort level for travel with my horse is ALL JACKED UP because of it.  Having a truck that is older than dirt does not help either.  In truth having a new truck, and a new trailer would still give me pause...because you see, I have fear.

*Anesthesia of all kinds.   My blood pressure does funny things when you start adding chemicals to my blood stream. My veins explode when you insert needles into them for IV fluids.  My heart has interesting acrobatics as well.  Last local anesthetic I had made me wheeze, blood pressure hit an all time low, and put me on a gurney flat on my back, out.  I loathe having surgical procedures, big or small.  I've survived every time, but still, I have fear.

*Phebes.  She scares me in all kinds of ways.   She's pummeled me, bit me, kicked me, etc. etc. etc. I have to drag my big girl panties on every time I work with her. Why I love the furry thing I do not know.  Why I persist, and keep hammering away...I do not know, but I still have fear.

*People.      Trauma does that to a person. Trusting them may be my biggest fear of all.

So I am not minimizing anyone's fear.

But the only thing for it.  

 Is to face it.  

 When we do, the smoke blows away, and what is left is we've conquered that fear.  The boogey man is under the bed (or in the closet) no more.

( I can't be judgmental, I can't even seem to do it myself).

No comments:

Post a Comment