I've not given up on my Green Bean peeps, no I have not! But with new leadership comes new ways, and if the bean's gonna fly, I need to step back more and more myself, and see how the bean grows. It is SO HARD for me to open my palms and let the beans drop into the very fertile soil and just watch. It is viscerally painful in that I love this cause so much♥ The cause is acceptance. That's it. Just let's all enjoy the wonderful sport for what it brings to each of us. (says she who isn't sure I'll get to compete at all this year).
But here's the thing. I have a mind that rarely stops. I trick myself with measures to fall asleep! So my creativity really needs an outlet. It brings me my happiness. When one out of twenty paintings is passable I AM THRILLED. When I think up some strange little competition I AM THRILLED. So I guess my much neglected blog will get some face time, and maybe my horse's will get some needed attention, and maybe at some point the truck will get fixed well enough that I feel safe to haul the spectacular Spotted Wonder "somewhere". Believe I should be able to make it to a CMO this year and she is "sort of" a distance horse, right? And I've taken a second job. Sounds kind of crazy for a woman with no time, but that stepping back thing should give me time to have a job that resonates with my little horsey soul, and allows me to bring some joy to others in the process.
Win! Win! (I say this between epic crying jags that I'm no longer in the hunt for GBEC). ♥ They are my people. They always always always will be. ~E.G.
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